Do we need to feel guilt towards our spirit team when we fall off the spiritual wagon?
I’ve fallen off the wagon. Yes, I’ve said it. I fell off the wagon and it drove away.
I’m also happy to say I found the wagon and I climbed back on.
We’ve all done it and we’ll do it again. We fall off the wagon with our eating plans (aka diet), our movement plans (aka exercise routine), our friendships, our hobbies, our…everything. This time I fell off my meditation and journaling plan. I normally wake up early and meditate for 15-20 minutes followed by 10 minutes or so of journaling. The journaling often turns into automatic writing and it is powerful. My early morning time is extremely meaningful to me. I am a better human, a better mom, a better wife/daughter/friend… a better everything when I make my meditation/journaling time a priority.
So, the question is … WHY DID I FALL OFF THE WAGON IF IT’S THAT IMPORTANT? What was so important that it took priority over my “me” time?
A couple of things…I got sick. Ugh. Like really really sick. Sinus infection, ear infection, blown ear drum sort of sick. And we had a holiday in there and guests in town for 3 straight weeks. Yes, all great excuses. But, nothing says I can’t just sit in silence for 5 minutes each morning before I start my day. No matter how horrible I feel. It doesn’t have to be the normal 40 minutes. 5 minutes is okay.
Well, anyhoots, I got back on the meditation/journaling wagon yesterday. YEAH. And, as I sat in meditation I started apologizing to my spirit team. I thanked them for being patient with me but then I started profusely apologizing. And, do you know what I heard…”This guilt is placed by yourself. This is your guilt. This has nothing to do with us.”
How many times do we place the emotion of guilt on ourselves?
Many times I find myself avoiding something because I avoided it in the past. And it is easier to avoid that it is to do. And, it is sometimes easier to feel guilt than it is to do. Get that…let it sink in. Sometimes I choose to feel guilty about not doing something than actually doing something. Exercise is a great example for me. The longer I go without exercising, that easier it is to not exercise. And yet, each day I don’t exercise, I feel more guilt. Agh! It’s crazy. Why would I ever do that? I don’t want to feel guilty. Yuck.
There are about 10 things right now that I know I am avoiding. I am choosing to NOT do something and in effect, I am choosing to feel crappy about it. Why on Earth would I choose a heaviness in my heart, a pit in my stomach, and an overall sadness and disappointment over doing something? I have no idea. Truly…I don’t.
So, how did all of this come to be…a little message from my spirit team about guilt!!
Ha!
And, so, I’m going to actively choose to DO. I’m going to actively choose to do and to NOT avoid. So, yes, that means putting the folded clothes away in my bedroom. Yes, that means going through my closet and donating the clothes that I will never wear again. Yes, that means moving more today than I did yesterday. Yes, that means doing! And in the act of doing, I feel the heaviness get lighter, the stomach ache ease, and the sadness lift.
What can you start to do today?
With love,
Jen
PS: if you’ve fallen off the meditation/journaling wagon…don’t feel guilt, just do it right now. Sit for 5 breathes and then write 1 sentence. It’s that easy!
