Intuition or Imagination with Susan G!

Jen Lansink: Hello, I am back from the Bahamas. And it was amazing and incredible and there will be an episode about that coming out soon. But it was a doozy of a day getting back it took us like three days. But I had talked with Susan G who had been on the program before about an episode that we both listened to on psychic teachers and it was called 'Is it your intuition or your imagination' it posted on April 10 2023. I highly recommend going and checking it out before we dive in if you have time. They go into a little bit more detail. Our focus is very much on how can a mom or caregiver of a medically challenged or complex child or disabled child figure out when when am I hearing from my intuition and when do I need to act versus Am I just freaking out is is just my imagination and so we really focus on what we do as parents. In this episode. I do want to give a shout out Susan and I are doing a retreat in September so next month for mamas of medically complex or disabled children there is still one or two openings because those medical mamas had a couple of issues that were already signed up and they had to change their plans. So we do have a couple of openings there. If you have any interest in joining us, please reach out to me at Jen@forourspecialkids.com or you can go to https://apricityhope.org/ahp_events/ and there's all their information on that thank you Susan for saving my tushy wishy because we had to do this recording really, really fast. There are a few editing issues and some sound quality issues. But you know what? You're getting your podcast on Monday. I hope you have a wonderful day. I hope you enjoy our content. I hope it inspires you. Please let me know what you think. 

Jen: I am with Susan G for the fastest recording that we're not going to edit. She is joining us again medical mama and Apricity Hope Project founder and amazing woman. Also the podcast hostess of When Autumn Comes Susans been on before please go check out some of her other conversations with us. She is saving my life because all hell broke loose and getting me out of the Bahamas and I missed some things and anywho it's we are going to talk about imagination versus intuition. And we're gonna get into what that is but I know that Susan also wants to add a layer in there of trauma. So talk to me about that first and then we'll go through our definition of what intuition is after that. Why is trauma influential in your conversation here?

Susan G: Thank you for having me back again. I'm glad I can save your ass again. So I when I was preparing for this episode, I was kind of taking notes about imagination versus intuition. And for me, I kind of went back and forth about imagination, plus or minus anxiety. I have had a lot of trauma in my experience as a medical mom. I have two children with mitochondrial disease my daughter passed two years and one month ago. Can you believe it has been two years? So Lorelai well her whole entire life was trauma. Benji is four and he has the same mitochondrial disease that she had. So same life expectancy and a lot of trauma. Like the last seven and a half years for me, has just been a bucket of trauma. So when you were asking me about imagination versus intuition, it was kind of thinking like, Where does my PTSD come into play with this because I'm in trauma therapy right now. And I'm sorting through like that feeling of, oh my gosh, this is going to happen. And I know you weren't really prepared for the anxiety part of this conversation. But for me, it kind of just piles up and something I've struggled with is trying to decipher is my PTSD is my anxiety. There's a dog walking behind me.

Jen: I actually thought it was a ghost at first I was like, oh youve got a ghost in your...

Susan: is my anxiety. Is that coming from intuition or is that coming from like my imagination and past traumas? Right? 

Jen: And so that's getting into your decipher-ability. So you're wondering how much is this anxiety influencing this and how does it influence them the actions that you take and you were mentioning the whole toaster fire house burning down, or is it just toast? Tell me about that. 

Susan: Yeah, so for me, I feel a lot of things but I kind of just know things. One of the things that happened with Lorelai is she had a lot of autonomic storming. And the doctors at CHOP said that when she has her autonomic storming, meaning like her whole body's just going haywire. In Lorelai's brain. She has burnt toast in her toaster. But her brain thinks her entire house is on fire. And so for me, I've kind of related that to navigating my anxiety. You know, is this burnt toast? Or is my house on fire? Right? Benji has a 99 point to temp and in my brain, I'm going we need to pack we're going to the PICU we're doing all the things there's no like step by step. And so instead of like taking that moment back to sit and question my intuition, my imagination and my anxiety already have me in the PICU because right my imagination is telling me your house is on fire. Flip into medical mom mode and go and I think that I trust my intuition but my imagination yells louder, if that makes sense. 

Jen: Yes. You just cut out there you trust your intuition, but your imagination yells louder. Yes. Okay. As you're talking, Ooh, boy, how do you decipher this because you never want to look back and say, Well, I thought it was intuition. But then then I really thought it was imagination. So I didn't do anything. Because I because I analyzed it too much. Yeah. So okay, let's talk about the definition or at least my definition of intuition. So I believe it's basically when the universe or spirit guides or your angels or your guardian, whomever are they're giving you messages, they're kind of like, putting you in their hands and they're being like, hello Susan G we're gonna help you right now. And they're just helping you and they're giving you a message and so they speak to us through our claires, or signs or symbols or numbers. But I want to talk about the claires because I think the Clair's are really how I equate or what I equate intuition to so quickly, you've got Clairsentience it's your third chakra. It's your gut feeling when you walk into a room oh, I don't like this feeling or like the first time I met you. Oh, I'm gonna be friends with Susan. I mean it just was that's what we're gonna do my my gut told me. Then you have clairaudience which is your fifth chakra, represented by blue, your third is yellow. Your fifth chakra is clairaudience where you might wake up with a song in your head. You actually might hear voices you might wake up with someone saying your name. You might hear Lorelai talking to you as you're coming out of a dream. You might hear a ringing in your ears. And that can be a way so now when I hear a ringing in my ear and I'll say, Oh, I'm listening. And I don't hear a message but I might know that there's a download of information coming at some point 

Susan: Gotta pay attention. 

Jen: Yeah, sometime I'm gonna get at some point maybe today or in the next meditation. I'm going to get something. I mentioned that I hear things telepathically from the dolphins. So that's, that's clear audience then you've got your clairvoyance, which is right. It's your third eye. It's kind of in between your brows when it can on your forehead. And that's when you see things. Now I see things in meditation or when I do a shamanic journey. Other people literally see things so they might see flickering lights, they might see a movement off on their left side or the right side and they're like, What what's what? Every now and then I'll see that and I try to acknowledge it because it doesn't happen very often to me, but a lot of people do see it like if you're looking at me and you see like an aura behind me or around me that's, that's gonna be how your guides are trying to tell you something. And then the fifth or the fourth one is your claircognizance, which you mentioned, you feel things and you know, things I'm very much that way as well. So claircognizance is when you know something and it's really hard to trust. Because how do you just know? But it is it's just that it's like when I get a text from someone, and they're like, Hi, Jen. What's wrong? I just know and that happened the other day. I'm like, what's wrong? She's like, my boyfriend just broke up with me. How did you know? I just knew or when someone walks in the door, and I can already tell how they're feeling like I just know oh, oh, I just know. So that's when you know to call someone that's when you know, you're gonna see someone at the store. That's when you think about somebody and they call you 10 minutes later, and you're like, Wow, you can create those things. So that's how I kind of define intuition. And I'm actually creating a little course on that. I think it's really important for people to understand how they can enhance that in their world and what they can do to use that to be a better parent. That's a whole nother story. So I know so those that's the clairs those are the clairs, and I believe that the trickiest part is what you exactly said is how do you know when it's a clear speaking with you? Or it's just when you're daydreaming and you're thinking about all the things that could happen or something happens and you immediately go down the road of every time we get Benji gets a fever. It's not my imagination we're going but then like you said you don't slow down and just tap in like okay, is this Benji's body healing itself? Where does that feel right now if I were to take this energy of the fever and take it into my third chakra and feel it and be like, Okay, how does this feel? And you sit with it, and then you move it up. This is actually going to take a course about how you work through trauma by moving things up your, your chakra system, and you move it up and you feel it. Okay, where am I fifth? Like, how does that how does it sound? To me? Like if I say out loud, okay, this is an emergency. Like, how does that sound? Does that feel right? What does that feel like? No, Susan, you're being a little extreme right now. Okay, then move it up into how do you what do you see happening? Can I see us going to PICU right now? Or can I see a staying here and relaxing through this and waiting a little bit? You know how, okay, what do I know to be true? What feels right in terms of knowing, you know, and you work it up through there and that might only take three minutes to do that, but it might give you a little bit better. Okay. This is my intuition telling me we need to go in.

Susan: And for me, I through my trauma therapy have realized so my, my therapist has told me that I have managers, internal managers and then I have my core self. And I have realized it's been a game changer in my therapy because I feel like my managers are running around. For the record. I was a wedding planner before Lorelai so my managers are all wedding planners with the little head pieces and clipboards. 

Jen: These are energetic managers. 

Susan: They don't stop they and I've had to lock them in their offices before I literally sound like a crazy person right now. But like, I have to simmer my managers and I have to go what is my true self feel? Because that kind of if I quiet my internal crazy, yes, then I can like talk to my intuition. I can ask my gut, what are you feeling? What are you knowing? And so calming my managers and their clipboards, taking their clipboards away and then they go crazy when you take their clipboards away. They're control freaks. If you haven't figured that one out yet. 

Jen: You're energetic managers are crazy.

Susan: But they have to be because they're trying to protect me from the trauma that I've been through for the last seven and a half years and like, I can't fault them. I just need them to like, tone it down a bit.

Jen: Yeah, or give you an actual checklist. Yeah, instead of all of them giving you a checklist be like alright, hey, like, let's just make one checklist here. What feels right, what's the next logical step? What's the next step? What's the next step? That might be a way for you to give them some power but not take over? 

Susan: Well, and the other thing that I have in my notes here for me, I feel like intuition comes from love. It comes in love and it comes in facts. It's very simple. When I get like intuitive hits, it's like, here's what it is. You are loved. This is out of love. Whereas my imagination can also often be fear and loud and shouty and that's where the whole your house is on fire thing is oftentimes my imagination and I need to like super my managers call the firemen realize that it's just toast and kind of sit back and let that intuitive message of love say this is what you need to do. 

Jen: Yes, 

Susan: It's really hard though when you have a terminally ill child.

Jen: Right. It's completely different. It's not just hard. So yeah, it's a completely different struggle.

Susan: So it when you have a terminally ill child and you've already lost one like then you're on

Jen: Yeah. Yeah. Now of challenges.

Susan: I have my managers are now wedding planners and firemen

Jen: They're multitasking their shit out of themselves. Okay, so one, your level of discernment has to be different than mine. However, I'll give you so Okay, back up for a second. So it comes from love and it's clear and Samantha and Deb really did talk about that as well. And in the psychic teachers podcast is when you get an intuitive hit, which I call or you just you know something, it is clear. It's not yabba dabba doo. Yeah, [sounds] it's not. It's like, this is your message. I think that's important to talk about and maybe just separating that from right there. If that's the only thing you take away from this conversation is if it's all clogged up in crazy shit, emotion and a lot of anxiety, whatever it might be imagination, you might not but it might be imagination. If it's very clear if it's calm, if it's supportive, if it's loving. I believe that intuition also has an active other party. And what I mean what I mean by that is it it's coming from something it's coming from outside. So it might not even be something that you would think about, it might be an totally new thought. You're like, Whoa, where did that come from? That is more of an intuitive concept. But I also believe that Teal gives me intuitive knowing. So I'll give you an example. I was down at my mother in law's Teal was eating and she was eating something that I know is tricky for her cantaloupe. It's just a tricky food for her to eat. It's slippery. It doesn't chew real well, and it can slide and even if it's a small piece. So I had said to Alex, hey, I'm doing laundry over here. I was just a room away. I'm doing laundry over here. Can you just watch her? He's like, Yeah. And as happens with parents, you say yeah, and then something pulls you away and your child is still sitting there eating the cantaloupe. So Alex got pulled away to something. I'm doing laundry heads like in the laundry, the waters running. I can't hear anything I'm trying to browse, but it's not my own stuff, right. And all of a sudden, I know my daughter's choking. I knew there was no sound, because that's the worst part. Right? Right. There was no sound. And to make this worse, there were three adults in the room. But no one was really paying attention to her. And I casually look up and I see Teal beaming a message at me and she's got this little panic in her eyes. And she is telling me Mom, mom, mom, boom. I walked over, smacked her put my finger down her throat cleared it. Got it out. She was like, Now, could she have gotten it out? Perhaps. But she was nodding on my intuition. At that point. She was saying, dude, I'm not effing kidding. You need to look at me. And so I think that's where the messages are very clear. There was not Oh, I wonder if I'm just imagining it was like boom.

Susan: It wasn't like that. And I don't know if you get this but when I'm in the shower, I hear like, Phantom crying from my kid. Like, so. Like, it's not like that where you're like,

Jen: stick my head out. I'm like, am I here? Yeah, yeah, exactly. 

Susan: So it wasnt questioned it was this I need to go check. And now I feel like when you get a message, or a download like that, who cares if you're wrong. If you have that gut feeling. You need to go over there. Exactly. Whether your managers and your internal dialogue are going nuts, but if you have that feeling of something is telling me that I have to do this. You need to do it. I had one of the things that you had written about talking about was a time when we kind of dismissed our intuition. 

Jen: And I hate this question by the way because I have a big horrible story about that. I

Susan: hold my beer. I Lorelai was in the NICU. She was nine weeks old. She had just gotten her G-tube placed. It was the first night in nine weeks that I was not there. And I was at home and I felt like I needed to be there. I was pumping I was you know, this was the first night and nine weeks that I had not been there. And I remember saying to my husband like, I just feel like I need to be there. I just feel like I need to be there and he's like you're exhausted like you need to be home. Which any other. I mean any mom who had been at a NICU for nine weeks it was I was there all that day because she had surgery. But it was a different feeling of I need to be there and not as much like I need to be there to just sit with her. It was just like I need to be there within 30 minutes of my husband saying just go to bed like I remember sitting we had just moved into our house. There was no clutter in the house because we literally just moved in. And I remember sitting in my very empty room and my phone ringing and it was our It wasn't even our attending. It was the attending at the time saying Miss Gagan, there's been an incident and someone messed up and fractured Lorelai femur and was the first time that I was like, okay, so this mom instinct thing. Yeah, I knew this mom intuition is a thing, huh? 

Jen: Yeah. 

Susan: So yeah, I mean, like, someone hurt my baby. And I think with that to preparing for this conversation that you and I are having, I Googled a little bit and there's science behind because you know, you are very much into the intuitive thing and I tried to keep like one foot in the science and one foot in the woowoo. Yes. And there's science that's showing that the moms are now having DNA from their children in their brains. And how does all of this connect in like you know, nine weeks into being a mom and I'm like, somebody is in pain, like she's in pain. I need to be there. 

Jen: Yeah. And those are horrible moments when you don't respond to it.

Susan: Again, buckets of trauma here 

Jen: I know buckets of trauma. Great such a great concept of the call today. Well done, Susan, thanks for presenting this one as an art. 

Susan: Sorry.

Jen: No I actually mine... Teal was born on July 12. And on July 11. I was laying in bed and I knew something was wrong. I knew we had an appointment scheduled for the next day. You know when they say 10 kicks or movements in an hour or whatever, whatever it is, or 10 and 10 I can't remember what it is.

Susan: I have no idea to get that far.

Jen: So So I was counting and normally Teal hit the marker within like 30 seconds. I mean, that kid was like, boom boom boom, and I'm like, Alright, we're getting there I'm going to sleep now. And I lay down and she wasn't as active and she just wasn't as active and I thought it's very interesting. Okay, and I told it, I mentioned it to Alex. And he said hold on, but they said this rule did did she make it and I said yeah, she like slid into home plate at like ninth inning. You know, two people are out like barely made it. And I said that's not typical. For her. He's like, Yeah, but it was okay. And I'm like, Alright, we're gonna go see the doctor tomorrow. I I should have gone in. Right at that moment. I found out that her cord was wrapped around the neck twice. And so she was telling me I'm slowing down. You know what? Fuck. 

Susan: Yeah, 

Jen: that's when you just sit back and go, Okay. I knew even before she was born, I had my intuitive connection with her. And so I'm not to be like, Debbie Downer. I mean, because I love who we got as Teal like, whatever for whatever reason I got Teal the way she if she wasn't supposed to come out then if she was then I would have gone to the hospital. I got Teal the way Teal is and she's perfectly perfect to me. However, now that she's here, I definitely am far more connected to that knowing or that feeling or I'm just going to pick up the phone and call the hospital. You know, you don't have to get in the car and go, but you can call like Hey. Everything. Okay with little doodle over here? Yeah, you know, should I come in?

Susan: Yeah, because in my case, Lorelai, laid there for four hours with a broken femur. It was the first night I hadn't been there. And she laid there for four hours with a broken leg. Had I been there. Could I have relieved some of her pain? I mean, it wouldn't have changed her story at all. But like could I have popped back up and been like, hey, something's not right. 

Jen: Right, 

Susan: Just to relieve some of her pain. Yeah, yeah. And that's where here I am seven and a half years later, and that was just a tip of the iceberg as far as my trauma goes, but from the beginning for me, it's always been Is this your imagination? Is this your anxiety, like spoiling into your imagination or like, really do you really know something's wrong right now?

Jen: And I would imagine, most people that are listening right now, if you really slow down and pause 90% of the time, at least it's actually your intuition. I think we know when it's our imagination. I know when I am going down the road of crazy. Like, I know, I know when I'm getting amped up about something, or overly anxious or overly responsive or boom, like my patients. I know when it's I know when it's my imagination. And then there are times most of the time if I slow down and I'm like, Yep, that was a clear message.

Susan: I think the key is slowing down. And I think in my case with the PTSD, it is really hard to slow down and I've talked to you about meditating before and all of my, all my woowoo friends are always like Susan, you need to meditate you need to slow down and it is a message that has been repeated over and over for me, especially this year. Again, I think as a medical caregiver who lives a life of hyper vigilance. Yes, it is. Really hard to tap into that when you're hyper vigilance is screaming at you all the time.

Jen: I did an interview with Tanya a couple of weeks ago and she she was very clear about how the trauma sneaks up on you too. So you might be having a great day and then trauma sneaks up and she said, that's why I don't slow down. Because I don't like things sneaking up on me. I don't like I slow down then all of a sudden I'm like, boom, a bomb goes off and my emotion comes through. My grief comes through like I keep going because it's just easier. And that's the tricky part right? You got to find how to find that balance of I'm supporting me I'm slowing down to support me so that I can be a better mom.

Susan: I have found that if there's moms listening who are like oh my gosh, that's me. I can't slow down. I have found that for me setting a three minute timer. I got these really cool. I can't think of what they're called really cool like sound things they sound like sound baths that you hold in your hands and they talk to each other and they only last three minutes. So I know when I turned them on. I am only having to turn off my hyper vigilance for the three minutes. And it helps me because it calms me down. And I know that like I can do anything for three minutes. And I feel like after I do that that's when I can go. Is that my imagination? Or is that my intuition?

Jen: Such a good conversation. Thank you.

Susan: I still suck at meditating though.

Jen: Three minutes is better than zero minutes. Right? Exactly. Three minutes is better than two and a half. That's nice. I mean it's it's something where I think we need to be gentle with ourselves. Yeah, if I can set an Insight Timer, which I highly recommend Insight Timer. If I can set it for if I only have three minutes or five minutes to just deep breathe, and then I giggle because, like 30 seconds in my brain is gone. I'm like okay, you lasted 30 seconds. Okay, let's try again. Let's breathe for 30 seconds and sitting right. Okay, five minutes, three minutes. Just start there.

Susan: I think we should do a follow up episode on meditating for the crazy medical Mom. Can we do that? Yeah, like you can teach me all the things and I can talk about how my brain goes crazy. And I like managers that are running everywhere. 

Jen: I can't teach you all the things but I can talk with you about certain things. Okay, okay.

Susan: We'll do a we'll do a rain check on that one.

Jen: We will have a wonderful Sunday. Thanks for saving my butt.

Susan: Thanks for being patient with my timeline.